Secret's Out

Today I wrote this on my regular blog.

You know I have been on a weight loss journey. I have cried. Missed food. Had to cope with my feelings instead of eating to cover them. Worked hard. Cried some more. Changed everything (EVERYTHING) about the way we live. Researched recipes. Started cooking with quinoa. Counted every single calorie. And fat gram. And sugar gram. It has been SO hard. But I have lost 90 pounds...half of what I need to lose to be at a healthy BMI.

I want you to know how hard it has been and how hard I have worked and how much I have cried.

I'm afraid to tell you that I had Gastric Bypass Surgery in March of this year. Mostly because I think you will think I took the "easy' way out. That I am somehow cheating. That I can't be proud of myself because the surgery did all the work. I am afraid of that because that's exactly what I used to think about Gastric Bypass Surgery. I judged. I scoffed. I misunderstood.

I want you to think I have earned this 90 pound weight loss. I don't want you to think it was given to me by a surgeon three months ago. I don't want you to think that I couldn't do it on my own through sheer willpower. But, the truth is, I couldn't do it on my own.

It was the right decision for me. A decision I prayed about long and hard before committing to. A hard decision. The best decision I have made in a long time.

I am glad I said it. But also scared.

Half Way, Baby!

This week I hit my half way mark as far as recommended weight loss.

90 pounds.

Here's the thing.  When you have 180 pounds to lose, each weight loss step is a good and bad.  You feel so proud that you have lost 30 pounds! You're amazing! And then you realize you have 150 pounds to go and you feel overwhelmed.  All of the sudden your 30 pounds is no big deal.

Reaching half way means that everything from here on out is less than I have already lost.  I feel amazing and like I CAN DO THIS!  I can do this.

monthly update: 3

it's been a month since i updated this blog, but my computer broke and i had to replace the hard drive.

last month i said it was getting easy.  it is still relatively easy, but the main issue now is continuing on a strict path even when it's easier to cheat.  this time is when will-power and the momentum you gained in the previous months HAS to kick in or you could fall off the wagon.

i am working extra hard to stay on the path.  our family is experimenting with our favorite recipes and making them HEALTHY.  we have added quinoa to our diets and the kids are eliminating desserts 5 days a week.

now, to my body.  month one and two looked like my regular body shrinking.  month three brings my regular body...sagging.  i have found it very difficult to work so hard and finally feel like i might have the body i always dreamed of, only to find out it's a saggy baggy mess.  this is psychologically hard to deal with.  it makes me feel that no matter what i do i can never be 'normal'.

for now, i am trying not to think about it too much. i am focusing on how good i feel, my health benefits, the smaller sizes i am wearing.  we can deal with the saggy body later.

this month my sleep apnea went away.  reports came from the children and the spouse that i no longer snore and that they don't hear sleep interruption anymore.  this. is. amazing. and exciting.

good things ahead.

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 82.5 lbs.
CLOTHING SIZE CHANGE: from 28W to XL/XXL